Temper Tantrum

Can I have five minutes where I don't have to be a responsible mommy? Where I don't have to put on my brave face and go throughout my day like normal? Right now, for just five small seconds I want to be locked in a room where I can scream and cry and kick, and throw things and break things. I can picture myself doing this in my head and it releases the feelings I have inside. It feels good, it's a nice release. I know I have said that I wanted to know from Dr. Wellman when we were going to Seattle, so that I could stop worrying and Sophia would be better. But that was before. Now I am frustrated, upset, but mostly I am scared, no I am terrified. I know that there are special angels looking out for Sophia, but still. I just want to not worry, I want her to be okay. I know there is a silver lining somehwere, ask anyone that knows me and I'll be the first to find it in any situation. I just can't find one right now...